User blog:Moritzva/Ensnarl the Carl

...Where am I?

His eyes opened to rays of sunshine coating the horizon with warmth and light, grass swaying and dancing on top of the rolling hills that stretched on forever, a perfect morning day. Birds tweeted as the darkness of night was forcefully receded by the wave of brightness that overtook every nook and cranny, leaving only a handful of small havens of shade for those looking to relax and chill in the spring day. Apple trees stood tall and strong, an eternity strengthening their branches and bark to create a legacy that would last for centuries; dogs and small animals raced through the blades of grass, their feet pattering against the tough dirt below, leaving prints to mark their paths. To describe it as anything less than marvelous would be a slight to the wonderful world around them.

He, however, had other things on his mind.

What’s going on..?

He huffed and attempted to speak, but words didn’t come out. His body was unfamiliar to him- different, croaked, and misshapen, so he thought. A jolt of pain wracked his body as he felt what must of been a bump on his head, but as he raised his hand to touch it, he felt his bones work against him, unable to raise the limb anywhere close to the top of his head.

...The fuck?

His gaze shifted down towards what should of been his arm with a snort, before he was met with a long and brown, slightly furred limb, a black bone-like structure at the end with what seemed to be a crack or crevice curving into it.

...Am I a fucking horse?

Another more angry snort escaped him as he struggled to his feet, tumbling to his side as his body moved in disjunction with how he wanted to move. His memory was foggy, but one thing stood as clear as day as his tail flung around behind him.

FUCKING SHIT LORD OF MINOTAURS I’M A HORSE-

A stream of expletives clogged his mind as he frantically flung around, legs flying all over the place as he practically tossed himself up. In his fit of rage and confusion, one leg didn’t meet the ground on time and he tumbled down the steep hill, colliding with the grassy dirt below. He let out a cry of pain as he landed, his body sore. As he attempted to get up, a sting of pain unfamiliar to him ran through his body, and he collapsed again.

...fuck.

Unable to move and unable to speak, he laid on the ground, looking into the sky with a tired and depressed glance. Each pain was new, each muscle was different, and it was too much for him to bear. He watched the dogs race by, the rabbits leap around, the midget walking towards him.

That midget was walking right towards him.

“Aw, what happened here?” The short guy said with an innocent smile, crouching over the injured and tired equine. He held a titanic sword on his back relative to his tiny size, a cheap, brown cloak covering his head. He rest his bag besides the horse. “I’m Carlxander, liberator of Carls, and I’ll fix you right up.”

The horse kicked at him with his uninjured leg, just barely missing. Don’t be talking down to me, you midget fuck.

“Oh! Be careful, you might sprain it further… Ooh, that’s pretty bad…” The Carl ignored the kick and kneeled down to treat the leg in blissful ignorance. He reeled back another kick, about to aim at the Carl’s head, before stopping for a moment. Carlxander was… actually pretty good at what he was doing. Experienced with horses like him, probably. Either way, he rested his leg and went along with it. Sure, whatever.

“...And what’s your name?” Not like I can tell you, shortie. “Carly! That sounds neat! Do you like it?” Really reconsidering kicking you again, shithead.

“...Well, Carly, because you asked, I’m actually on a mission! It’s the Carlxander’s mission to free the Carls from slavery and cruelty, starting right here, at that village over there! And I shall not stop until all of Carlkind is made the supreme race of society!” He pointed far, far out at shadows and blips that could vaguely resemble large rocks from the distance they were at. Despite his blissful ignorance, ‘Carly’ did see the honor in his goals. ''You go, kid. ‘Til some fuckers cut you down for being different.''

The Carl stood up abruptly. “All done!” He exclaimed, beckoning for the horse to get up. With a grunt and snort, the horse began to very slowly lug himself to his feet. He expected a twinge of pain, but he felt none. He was fine. The strong, bestial horse was standing tall, finally!

“Alright, now don’t hurt you again! I’d rather not tend to the same mule twice!” Carlxander waved to him as he began walking away joyfully, without a single worry.

''...Glad that’s over- Wait, did he just call me a mule?''

=
The sky was directly above the equine’s head, far into the sky, as he grazed upon his meals. He had grown accustomed to his weird body; four strong legs, tough leather skin, and a taste for… different things. Such as apples. But despite this, what he lacked was knowledge on how to get these apples out of the tree from which they were born. He angrily bit and kicked at the tree repeatedly, a juicy, red fruit bare just out of reach, the key to quenching his hunger.

God-fucking-damn-it, get off that branch and into my mouth!

He reeled up his legs and pounded them against the tree, bark shattering and cracking under the impact, but the stature of the young yet incredibly durable tree was unmoving. Kick after kick, he resorted to flailing against it until it collapsed completely.

Through his near-blinding rage, however, he heard a small commotion down the hill on the spring day. He turned his head and gazed at the sight. The Carl, the same one that tended to him just a day earlier, was injured, at his knees, in front of two well-armed soldiers. He listened in; this is going to be good, he thought.

“Y-you will never contain us! The Carls will rise up!” The lil’ midget exclaimed loudly, attempting to stumble to his feet. His body was battered, his sword lying out of arm’s reach, and his armor sundered.

“Ah, shut up already. Did you really think you could attempt to set loose our livestock and get away with it? You think we’re that stupid?” One of the three said back at the Carl, likely the leader of them. The squad all let out a hearty laugh.

“We are not your animals! We are-” Carlxander was interrupted by a nasty kick to his chest, wheezing as he tumbled backwards, his body tensing up. All to the amusement of his arrestors.

''Serves the kid right. Don’t fuck with a force you can’t handle, fool.'' Despite the horse’s thoughts, he felt a twinge of guilt and pain just from watching the assault. It was weird, but he felt a connection with the Carl’s dedication, no matter how stupid. It was a noble task.

“…For years, my people have been oppressed. For millennia, we have been hurt and put down by all those around us! I refuse to give up!” Carlxander shouted and looked up at the sadistic soldiers that had him surrounded. He’d die before he’d forfeit the cause.

“Nobody cares what a Carl thinks, shortie.” One of the soldiers kicked him down again, planting a foot on top of him, keeping Carlxander pinned against the dirt with the weight of his armor. “See? Where’s your faith in Carls getting you now?” The guards howled in amusement as they continued their abuse of the short man. Why not toy with him a bit before turning him in? After all, they could-

One of them stopped, a look of confusion on their face. “Sir, I think I hear something.” He quickly noted, turning to the right, then the left, then backwards, right into black hoof rocketting towards his face. The hard-as-bone foot of the horse slammed into the squire’s face, shattering armor and his nose, sending him flying across the dirt. The other two responded in surprised horror, the captain drawing his sword just too slow as the mighty equine kicked him right through his steel breastplate, denting iron and cracking his ribs with ease. The very last one turned to run away, just to be met with a crippling kick from the mount’s hind legs. In what was only a second, all three of them were broken, on the ground.

“Carly!!”

The Carl leaped up from his feat and charged at the great horse, hugging him tight. “I knew someone would come! Someone just like you, Carly!” The horse nearly bit his face off in irritation, and the Carl noticed, sweat dripping down his face. “Err… How about Carlton?” He offered with a nervous smile.

''Fuck it. I’ll take it.''

Carlton nodded towards Carl’s steel blade, Carlexcalibur, finely crafted and diminished only by the dirt that coated it. Carlxander took the hint and snatched it from the ground. “I really can’t thank you enough. But I can’t leave yet. Those monsters enslaved my race, and I shall never stop until I achieve their liberation!”

''Yea, alright. Let’s go. I’m not letting my effort be for naught.'' Carlton nodded towards the direction of the village, as if beckoning for Xander to come with him. Carlxander picked this up quickly. “You want to help me? That’s great! Carlxander and Carlton shall never be defeated!”

Right as he began to climb onto his new mount, however, the two of them caught sight of something. Silver flashing in the shining spring sun, swords and shields- a lot of them. The Great Carlxander turned towards the incoming armada. “A scout must of spotted us, Carlton… What do you say, want to liberate their heads from their bodies?” The Carl said with a smirk, his grip on his sword tightening.

For once, I’ve got to agree, midget. Carlton let out a gnarly huff, kicking up the dirt in front of him, his hooves beating against the ground with the combined rage and bravado of the two unlikely partners in battle. Together they ran not only into danger, but towards a new future for them both.