Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-26517929-20170523220241/@comment-26134263-20170714073506

@Kitty imma start with the critiques first, then the compliments:

-Some sentences you created seem to be run-ons. This is esp. apparent in his backstory. The run-on sentences I can see are on paragraph 4, 5, 6 (which is basically just two sentences if you really think about it),  and 7 (you also forgot a period between what I assume should be the 1st & 2nd sentences).

-For paragaph 4, try expressing a little more on how George wants to become a father figure to BEN. One extra sentence is enough, but maybe you can try multiple if it works.

-You kinda introduced the personality thing way too early. Try giving hints that he'll obtain a full personality before it's officially introduced. Try saying something like "While testing, George was tinkering and implimenting artificial emotion data", then maybe a paragraph later or so introduce the full personality with the hypothesis that the artificial emotion data worked.

-Small gripe, but the transition between paragraph 4 & 5 is pretty jarring, as it suddenly introduces summer break without even knowing he goes to school. Try doing something like "A couple [months/years] later..." then introduce background information that he goes to school now or something. Then after that continue that paragraph like normal.

Now for the positives:

-I really like that graph down there (how do you add it? OuO).

-The concept and execution of the concept is pretty original and well-written.

-The structure of the profile is really well-done, and is pretty easy to read and understand.

-Perfect balance between kinda overpowered but at the same time having pretty glaring flaws that make the character balanced.

-Any character that's an INFJ gets a thumbs up in my book, being an INFJ myself.

Trust me, the positives definitely out-weigh the negatives. If this were a VS Match, the negatives would probs be stomped via hax or speed-blitz, if that's a good enough analogy.

Overall, good job on this profile. You definitely are doing better than how I first started writting, hell, you have a lot of potential. I hope you keep on making good content like this! ^.^

P.S: For some reason, even though the pic's Tomoya from Clannad, I imagine BEN to have Kyon's English voice actor from Haruhi Suzumiya.

Also for @Ovens. I always wondered how do you separate pictures by tabs? Always wanted to try that for some of my characters. I'm planning on drawing Linx in his different forms, soo.