User blog:Promestein/Starcross - SOLSTICE Fucks Up Again

When Alice, first thing in the morning, reached towards EQUINOX to wrap her in her arms, she flinched away. There was nothing welcoming, nothing excited for her touch. None of this was lost on Alice. The exact opposite, actually. A few hours later and it’s still all she could think about. Alice is standing in the kitchen, rapping her fingers against the countertop, still smelling breakfast. They hadn’t touched all morning. EQUINOX showered alone, and Alice had laid in bed and stared at the ceiling, feeling at a deep loss.

EQUINOX is alone, now, still, sequestered in her study. She wants to be alone. That much is clear. Alice needs to respect that, doesn’t she? It’s only right, especially after what happened the night before. After briefly chewing on her tongue, Alice shoves her thumbnail in between her front teeth. This routine again. Cooking hadn’t done any good for the situation, which is a relative rarity. EQUINOX is usually easily tied over by some food, at least briefly. Long enough for Alice to make a case for herself.

But no. Not this time. But that’s probably deserved, right?

Alice needs to be patient. She needs to be good. Yeah, she fucked up last night, but it isn’t last night anymore. She can make things better, she can handle this, responsibly, right? Yes, she can. She’s not a kid anymore, after all. She’s an adult, capable of acting carefully and intelligently. Alice can do this. It’s fine.

Slowly, Alice walks towards EQUINOX’s room, gently pressing her hand to the door. She can hear the clicking of keys inside, and she anxiously knocks on it. The typing stops. “EQUINOX?”

After a short pause, EQUINOX mumbles a barely audible, “What?” Alice tentatively grabs the doorknob and turns it. She’s surprised to see it isn’t locked, honestly, and she steps into the room, ducking under the doorframe. The room is cold, and the air hits her, hard.

EQUINOX is turned towards the door on her swivel chair, wrapped up in a blanket, bags under her eyes. She looks like she hasn’t gotten any sleep at all. A stinging pang of guilt splits Alice open from the inside, and she sighs. A bottle of coke is on her desk, and on a coaster, a tall glass, filled tall.

Her eyes, lacking their usual intensity, stare straight through her. Warily. Alice can see the tension in her body, the fear in her face. She’s ready to throw herself away from her, waiting for Alice to give her a reason to assume the worst is going to happen. It’s obvious, a picture so clearly painted by the way she’s breathing, the flat expression on her face, the way she’s curled into herself on her chair. Her legs aren’t visible from under the blanket.

Alice is nauseated by the sight. For EQUINOX, she’s just sitting there, trying her best to look like she’s fine, to not show a sign of weakness. But for Alice, it’s almost as if she’s trying to rub it in her face. She twitches, narrowing her eyes, and she raises her hand to clutch her face for a moment. She’s not supposed to get angry, she’s supposed to apologize. She’s supposed to help. But when Alice pulls her arm away, she sees it all again, and she knows just how badly she’s fucked up, and she can’t fucking do it.

There is blood on her hands and glass on the ground.

EQUINOX is cowering in the corner, trembling, arms up to protect her head. She’s crying, wheezing, desperately, as if she can’t breathe. As if she’s been choked.

Alice looks down at her bloody hands and can feel it. She can feel what she did, on her hands, and taste the intensity of that rage. She breathes in, and out, quickly, and then slowly, as her thoughts sort themselves out. There is no red haze, no blur of action that she can barely remember.

It’s perfectly preserved.

It was a cold rage, an intensity that froze her body until the emotions couldn’t flow anymore, that numbed her to it all. But it’s fading, now, the sharp logic that had driven her actions, her movements, up to this point. The simple rationale behind this ill-devised decision. Now, Alice trembles, and sees the blood under her nails.

Oh, fuck.

When Alice reaches towards EQUINOX, again, she flinches away, whimpering. Her glasses are broken. Alice stares at her, feels the anger well up again, and then feels it melt out of her body just as quickly. She stands there, uselessly, feeling the blood drip from her knuckles to the floor.

Alice turns around, walks out, and slams the door behind her.