Thread:The 2nd Existential Seed/@comment-27123758-20170614011019/@comment-26429591-20170614023138

What i am about to say is not directed towards you. Please don't get that confused, as some people have when i revealed this"side" of me. It is directed towards me. I have always had self-inferiority complex, something that somewhat changed as i created characters. Hiding it using a fake persona Minus / Seed, i acted tough online. However, i do feel it is time to show a side of me i never thought i would reveal. My darker, self-inflicted  emotions ,that are borderline depressed. And no, it is nt to be dramatic. These are my true feelings, unhindered by any fake masks i create and wear when talking online. Sorry if this seems extra... But i cannot hold back my darker emotions  anymore. Who your talking to now, what you are about to hearthat contradicts how i speak normally .. is the real Seed :

Don't... worry about it. It is fine. Don't bother to think about me  at all in such a way, as a matter of fact. I don't want anyone worrying over me so much. You don't have to. If Life doesn't care about me dying, why should a random person i rarely know ? If it wasn't for divine intervention, i wouldn't even be here. I..I think a lot about myself. It is something i have done to force down my dark thoughts. It's not... working. Anyways, I have nothing against you either. Your not lying. I am stubborn about a few concepts. I have been stubborn about a few things, and i deeply regret it. My strong-willed persona was nothing more than a sham, a fake personality that hid my true nature. The nature of a depressed, anti-social teenager who locks himself away attempting to debate as a way of getting away from the shackles of life. I tried so hard to understand, but it seems that despite everyone in my life telling me i am intelligent, perhaps i am as ignorant as my thoughts have told me. Maybe... Maybe not. Oh... I thought i was actually doing better here. Hehe ... Pathetic, right ? I talked as if i actually knew something... like i was actually intelligent. I was a fool for believing that lie. I downgraded almost ALL of my favorite characters recently : Hitomi ( High 1-A ), Hatoshi ( 1-A ) , and was honestly thinking about downgrading the Crying Child ( HWhich more than likely i'll do anyways, to High 1-A )  . Jeanette however is a completely different story. She isn't " my " character, and i was basing it off of what i knew about the very concept. Putting her here and placing her on my tier was a way of helping a dear old friend of mine. Yes, Jeanette Swanson was a character my old friend had, and when i told him about this site a year ago ... He wanted me to place it here. I forgot about it for some time, until a few days ago. I was just paying off an old debt. Nothing more ... Haven't seen him in forevver though... Hopefully he is okay. But, it seems like as if i brought his OC here for nothing. Hopefully another wikia will accept him, like Joke-Battles. The place where " joke-characters go to ". But, i feel like doing that to him will disrespect his memory. Here lies a work that kept him all day and night, working all of his record, in the wikia of jokes. I cannot help but feel sad, and wonder what he would say to me now if i EVER did that. All of that effort he did ... Wasted. He would be so mad at me...

I see. Well then.... I cannot find the heart to say anything back. Your completely right. There is nothing i can possibly say to make up for the excuse me for the word .... bullshit i have created here. You can't really describe "crap" in any other way but crap. It doesn't matter if you dress it up in a box filled with sparkles and pretty designs, inside it is nothing but crap. That is how i now feel about my characters.

No character whatsoever can have this ? . Wow. I am sorry... but  My goodness, is that the equivalent of breaking my soul. Hitomi & Matthew, my most prized suggestions, were completely based off of this concept. These are my most beloved OCs. I am sorry they didn't live up to this wikia's standards. I truly am. I thought if i worded it differently and explained it so thoroughly, perhaps it could be avoided ? But alas, it is not so.

I was a debater Prom long before being a character maker. Due to my debater senses, I always thought about power before creating a good story. As you can blatantly tell, that is my ultimate flaw. I can create great concepts concerning power, but at the end of the day... It is worthless without a good story to back it up. It is just an OP character with no backbone. I have told you consistently that i am not good at making " weak " characters, because i am not good enough to create a story." You don't dserve to be here if you can't do that ... ". You remember this, correct ? An user stated this on theTier 1  Report Thread. It hit me alot harder than most of the others. I felt true emotional pain, when i realized just how horrible i was just then about my characters. I was treating them so horribly. They lacked so much. which is exactly what i saw here. If i can't make a good character with a good story that isn't a fanon character or having some b****** OP power, you may as well ban me right now and get it over with.

Whenever i look at your characters Prom, i can't help but feel sad at how horrible they are in comparison. Your ideas are so well structured, in such a great format, with great detail but not overkill. Look at the difference between Matthew & Starcross. You can tell so well that you were made to do it. Meanwhile... yeah ... I am not anywhere near as good. I was told by several people my characters were " good ", but it seems it just wasn't enough... Being just good isn't enough...

W-with all of that said, i will source them all. Believe me, doing that takes a bit of time. Sorry for causing so much trouble. Hehe.... Even saying sorry is pathetic. How many times have i said that exact same dialogue, in the exact same  fashion ?

This may seem Morbid, but this is truly me. It is the me i always  hated, but could never ignore. A part of me that will always be there, even if ieave this wikia. I call it my " Truly Negative Self ". Forgive me for that Promestein. I am truly sorry ( figuratively and literally ). I am happy you wanted to talk with me, instead of deleting all of my work & my friend's work immediately.