User blog comment:Promestein/Starcross - Birthday/@comment-28644276-20190302051743

Still on the Intro:

I can see that with each paragraph that goes by she seems to desperately try to cope or find ways to deal with the feelings inside, but ultimately suffers even more when each attempt only proves as fruitless as the one before and is instead left in even worse state than before she tried.

It's not that Alice never tried or ran away from the beginning. It's more like she tried too much, in every way she could. And that, ironically, also broke her further still.

The feeling of trying your hardest and realizing "the world does not care", which gets very self-evident as part of her feelings in the latter quote she speaks in regards to "a God that cared about anything was obviously a lie when a child had her death dragged out a million times over". Depending on how you read this it doesn't need to even mean just God. It's a very complete expression of her absolute solitude at this point.

There was nothing and no one on her side and nothing or no one against her either - it was that definitive feeling of solitude where your existence as a whole just seems to not matter, for better or worse, not noticed nor relevant to any in the world.

This shows pretty well how her obsession with having people around her and to whom she would "matter" stems from. It's almost the result of a deep-seated despair of this true side to the solitude she was trapped in for this long.